The needle has landed

Needles have ejaculated into me. I'm ok.

Getting comfort from some singers I love: 

Neko Case says in "The Needle Has Landed"

Here I am in traffic's slow flow

Where the needle touched down

Carbon planes draw a cage round the air force base

Where the needle touched down

My foot on the brake it's ok to fly low

Over poor Spanaway

An eagle swooped down from a semi-trailer

Took the name of your town from a sharp-toothed freighter

The needle's the same that recorded and played

When you left me at the greyhound the year I moved away

And if I knew then what's so obvious now

You'd still be here baby

My baby, baby

So that's why I never come back here

That's why they spit out my name

Your ex's have clawed up the bible

Trying to keep me away

With the sledge of tectonic fever

The needle has landed again

Let it play

And the needle touched down

The needle is landing

And the needle touched down

The needle is landing

An eagle swooped down from a semi-trailer

Took the name of your town

From a sharp-toothed freighter

And if I knew then what's so obvious now

You'd still be here

And my old fave Mr. Young says in an excerpt from "The Needle and the Damage Done"

I've seen the needle

and the damage done

A little part of it in everyone

But every junkie's

like a settin' sun.

BACK TO ME

Well I'm not a junkie but I kinda feel like one. 

Yesterday's load:

7 doses or so of steroids

1 24 hour Allegra

1 bag of Taxotere

1 bag of Cytoxan

1 dragon sized Adriamycin syringe 

Emend

Aloxi or some name I got wrong - it's IV type Zofran

Some other thing

And une autre

2 unmentionable digestive pills

1 Paxil

1 lorazepam - WOO THAT STUFF ZONKS

2 Advil 

1 oz gin

Other stuff 

I felt okay-ish-dot-com last night when I went to bed - kind of in the wrong gravity. Who am I? Kinda thing.

When I slothed up at 4 am I almost wiped out - I felt like I was on Neptune, very heavy and leaden, feeling rather in "the Hour of Lead" as Emily Dickinson said. 

Mona brought me a smoothie from Juiceland - very healthy. The Originator:

Fresh Apple juice

Banana

Cherry

Peanut butter

Rice protein

Spirulina

Flax oil

I'm full. In several ways.

Leila dropped off wild flowers! Sweet!

They smell so good! Green! 

Today I feel mostly ok - sort of left of center, rumbly, sloshy (trying to drink a lake of unappealing water), floaty. No true sickness so far - probably due to roids. I have the anti nausea drugs at hand. At the ready! I feel more dreamy than anything

People ask about steroids and I say:

There are two factions of thought on the steroid tsunami post poison drip concept. Side one says that you feel so incredibly shitty from chemo that having two or three days where you feel kind of euphoric and uppity-do-dah from steroids is well worth the loss of sleep. The other faction says don't take steroids because they keep you awake when you need sleep, sleep heals, so just manage the side effects of the chemo with antinausea drugs and stuff and skip the steroids. I've met some chemo-ing ladies who opt out and I've met some people in my support group who do that cause they don't like missing sleep. I'm just going to follow the doctor's protocol this weekend and see what I think. I'm watching and thinking and learning.

That lorazepam thing I took last night knocked the shit out of me so I slept pretty damn well. I like that.  Right now I'm drinking ginger tea and eating healthy things and I feel pretty darn okay. I'm about to get ferried off to the doctor to get my Nulasta shot which is supposed to cause pain inside your bones, we'll see how that goes. But so far okay today. Thank you to everyone for all of your well wishes.

I am not a cancer patient.

I really love my doctor, and my nurse Sabrina. Here's a message that Blake emailed me last night from France about the picture she saw on my Sabrina with me:

"I love your nurse!  You can feel her good energy straight from the photo and over the net into my living room via my iphone and my little nearly blind eyes. Do you have her each time as 'your' nurse or do you even know?"

Yes I'm lucky to have her.

And you.