Can you feel my heart beating

I have a naturally low pulse, that usually hovers around 52, or maybe 60 if I'm moving around a little bit. Sometimes it even sticks at around 48. This is rather funny if you know me, because I'm not athletic. Last night it got up into the 90s. This is a sign to myself that I do not feel good. 

I'm doing an experiment now regarding food. I think I told some of you this, but I've learned something from the far corners of the earth that I did not know before: oh how lucky lucky lucky lucky you are, those of you, those of us, who eat too much and we're kind of fat and we lick our lips and gobble down way too much delicious fattening greasy salty sweet crunchy gooey melty delicious food. Never again will I complain about being not the size I want to be. When I get my appetite back I shall revel in it. Nature wants us to eat and to become large. I want that.

Foods I can tolerate possibly if it happens to be 4:15 p.m. and the sun is shining:

Cinnamon toast

Beer - dark

Popcorn

Popsicle

Scrambled egg

Vinegar

Chicken soup maybe

Sliced banana

Disgusting foods that I despise and have turned into congealed ox blood brain gelatin guttersnipe drippings:

Pizza

Red sauce

Ginger ale 

Candy

Salad dressing

I fear to try any others 

My friends tell me it's okay to kvetch, but I'm holding back a torrent of it. It may never stop if I start.

All night long I dreamed that I was in France, and I was trying to find a comfortable bed to sleep in in a weird hostel somewhere. At one point the bed was on top of a skyscraper. I was sleeping with my sister, the mattresses were soggy and damp with sweat. I felt that if I leaned too far to one side I would fall off the top of the skyscraper and die. After hours and hours of this horrible dream I woke up only to find that it was 11 PM. I went back to sleep and dreamt that my sister and I then went to a different kind of hotel where we found a different kind of bed, but somehow the bed was connected to my teeth in my bones and it was electrocuting them with excruciating pain in my teeth and my bones were hurting so much that I was vibrating with fire. After hours and hours of this dream in pain I woke up and it was midnight. Then I dreamt that I was in France visiting Blake, and we had the occasion to go to a very fancy restaurant. I put on a dress, the left arm stretched out for 100 feet. I crumpled it up. This is ridiculous I thought to myself, I must get this night over with it's taking too long. Must be time to wake up. I woke up and it was 2 AM. I was shaking, perhaps with starvation, or perhaps with excruciating pain, or perhaps with excruciating sickness. I couldn't tell the difference, so I forced myself to go downstairs and eat many crackers with peanut butter and a very disgusting bottle of ginger ale that made me feel like I was going to die. Days later it was 5 AM and I could get up.

Things are a tiny bit better now. Soon I'm going to be connected to a machine that will deliver gallons of water into my veins, life-giving ocean water, hopefully to bring me back to life. I cannot wait for the pierce.