Loud music

I'm listening to loud music. Suddenly last night in an Melba toast sunrise Phoenix instant I realized I might sort of feel microscopically O.K. This sea change must have drifted in but my observation of it was shocking. I ate I slept I drank I dreamt I smiled.

Right now Lady Gaga: Just a second it's my favorite song Just a second, its my favorite song they gonna play

And I cannot text you with a drink in my hand, eh?
You should've made some plans with me, you knew that I was free
And now you won't stop calling me, I'm kinda busy

Stop callin', stop callin', I don't wanna think anymore
I left my head and my heart on the dance floor

Sometimes I feel like
I live in Grand Central Station.
Tonight I'm not takin' no calls,
'Cause I'll be dancin'.
K-kinda busy
K-kinda busy
Sorry, I cannot hear you, I'm kinda busy.

Right now I am in love with her. And in love with feeling in love.

 

I'm so happy just to feel KIND OF good that I want to do stuff. All of a sudden regular ordinary banal things sound appealing. Going to Staples sounds like an exotic vacation. Target would be the South of France. I want to go out to lunch. I want to go to Japan and go to a tea house and then eat ton katsu and then go to Hanabi on Anderson and see if they hold up and then I want to go Christmas shopping with all the crowds and go to Shrafts and The Plaza I want to run around the lake I want to give a talk on a stage at the flea market I want to go for ice cream sodas and then get oysters and Piesporter at the oyster bar at Grand Central station.

But I am staying home
It's been my own kind of grand central here today
120 visitors
One brought the best chicken soup
One let me photograph him
One drew a mind map
One filled out applications for hours
One told me about yelling at a principal about a vice principal Dolores Umbridge
I made bizarre challah bread grilled cheese
One made a pile of clothes 2 feet tall
One said she was a boy and a girl
One dropped off some freshman essays none too good
One wore little round red glasses and a red scarf
One shrunk over an inch
One made tea two times
One said she was going to a ding dong event later if I heard her right
One wore a pink hat all the time
One was a Diva
One or more of these people are the same one

I'm helping Mike design his wall of album covers in his cave. He's been a darling.

I am taking it easy mostly yes but very excited about just being at half mast. I am back to goofing off. I did not go to any exotic locales today except in my head but I am planning I am planning.

Not sure about this whole chemo thing sometimes. I have been reading and reading as you know I do and across the seas things are so very different than here. I am thinking. I am thinking. Soon they say there will be little tiny robots that travel in little light seafoam green pillships (I made up the color) that go in through in to your metro tube system and travel travel around from station to station and when they get to the metro stop with the gang of psychotically ill gangsters with its black sooty steps and cracked walls full of piss they stop. Only there. Even if the signs have been graffitied over or if they are written in Russian or Chinese, they find find find just the right station. The right ekki. And then. And then little sweet white avenger killer murderers in faux fur hooded shiny pale violet coats step out and then just stomp and trash and wreck and kill the little bad soot sprites. Only them. Then they leave politely. No carpet bombing. I'm doing what the future doctors will call barbaric. 

I'm helping Violet steam fry pot stickers. With music.