Hair ouch

A new kind of headache. Each of the hairs on my head starts in a follicle. The follicle is inflamed severely for each of these hairs. I think chemo kills the inside of the follicle where the hell hair cell generates, and I'm in the middle of the process right now. Thanks once again chemo. 

And this heatfull riot is painful. Extremely painful - if you ruffle my hair right now I shrink away and squeal at you. Each hat I put on today for my America's Next Top Mad Hatter (I know, I'm such a pro) model shoot was accompanied by thousands of fiery spikes in my head, like Hell Raiser. Remember this guy? 

I've always been a tender headed gal, I wonder if that this makes a difference. Never really liked getting my hair done much at a swank salon, because when they comb it all out and want to blow dry it and yank your head around like a spin top, it always ouched me and I'd have to pretend like my eyes were watering from allergies NO PROBLEM!... as I smiled while I was thinking fuck fuck YOUCHYPOO! Fuck hurry the fuck up! YIKES! I admit it the landscape of my scalp is too fragile compared to most other people. I admit it, I'm too tenderhearted to be cool. I knew that chemotherapy would make me feel sick, but I certainly did not expect my freaking head would hurt too much to lay down in bed and sleep. This is ridiculous.

The hay in my meadow doesn't know which way to lay, and if it lays the wrong way it's bad. What's happening now seriously hurts me. I'm not kidding. I think must be weak in the hair follicle department? How banal inane cretinously lame is that? Some of these symptoms seriously make me feel like a stupid kitten in the war against cancer. Oh yeah I'm not fighting a war. Okay well I feel like a stupid weak kitten who is facing a cliff of Rottweilers. Or at least like kind of a nerd because I'm complaining that my hair hurts. Embarrassing! Just like I'm weak in the motion sickness department. I'm a poor candidate for chemotherapy it seems.

This is ridiculous. I went to acupuncture today, and when he had me lay on my side so he could put needles in my back, I literally could not put my head on the pillow on my left side. He kept asking me if I was okay, I finally said yes I'm okay and just held my head half an inch above the pillow. Once again I was being the polite robot .This was kind of hard on my neck. Each hair feels like it is stabbing into my head like a small butcher knife. A butcher knife connected to a wall with a plug, so it can shock me with electricity. The pain is literally shocking. I never knew my hair could hurt so much. On a scale of 1 to 10 the pain gets almost up to a nine, but that's only if you ruffle my hair or if I try to lay on that part of my head. WHAT THE HELL! This is inexpected! The very back of the head is okay so I can lay on my back, but this is kind of of stiff for sleeping because I'm used to laying on my side.

I guess losing your hair is preceded by follicular death, so I'm dying 500,000 deaths right now on my head. It feels kind of good to pull this hair out, it's an interesting good kind of pain, like a toothache or a scab that you want to pick. People say shave your head! Shave your head! Shave your head! What is everyone so excited about me shaving my head? Go shave your own head! 

The thought of shaving my head sounds excruciating so I'll put that off for another day. How can I get my head shaved if I can't even stand to touch my head? 

This seems so preposterously absurd that it's actually kind of funny. Again.

Just to be clear: I am pissed about this.