Before and after

Before today at 8pm:
I had fun with Michio Kaku in class today - showed my students a mind blowing 8 minute video of his about type one, two, and three civilizations. Hint - we are a type zero, meaning we get our energy from dead plants.

The original religions worshipped the sun. Didn't the Egyptians have the sun god Rah? Well they were right. Every single form of life on this planet depends on the sun. It gives us all of the energy we use - from the computer you are reading this on to the calories your body burns to let your eyes focus on this screen or your hands scratch your stomach, to the car you drive, to the IV drip machine that regulates my drops - every single atom of energy is from the sun. The coal we burn to drive electricity and the oil and gas are from fossilized dinosaurs and plants. The meat eating things on earth like me eat animals that ate plants. All of the food chain boils down to plants and all of the plants get their energy from photosynthesis - so it all goes back to the original SUN. So worship that.

I was feted at a Mad Hatter's luncheon where several mad hatter women at St. Edward's very graciously served lunch and tea and lemonade and gave me HATS! Hats and hats and scarves and scarves. Shall I describe them? The people or the headgear? Sophisticated, gorgeous, soft and luxurious, very pretty, jaunty, hilariously silly, pink, a little blue, tasseled,  bright, from 23 years ago, hip, bedazzled, fun, attractive, helpful, supremely wonderful. You may apply those definitions to either category. Thank you Lynn for setting up this affair and to all for the cucumber sandwiches, chai tea, baby quiches, watermelon and grapefruit salad, beans and cupcakes. Speaking of the watermelon and grapefruit salad my body said YES YES to this salad - it was just what I wanted. I did not know that. Now I know. 

I will be very stylish soon with these red and purple and pink and storm colored caps and hats and scarves - watch for me on either Project Runway or America's Next Top Model - if you are inside the TV you may see me on the other side. I am worshipping bad TV. 

I am sitting here two weeks from the last chemo thinking hey I feel sort of ok - this is not bad. I am almost slowly forgetting the misery. But not quite. I have been a little bit conditioned now so that some things around me seem kind of disgusting. Like the wall. Or a glass that once held water that I once tried to drink once. Or a corner. Must be where my eye landed before. Perhaps I should try not to look so much. It's coming in week - actually six and a half days. I am scared.

The hair is falling out. Here is a video of this - can't see on a phone but you can on a computer if you want. If you don't want to see it ok. But why are you reading this blog? Sometimes when I am talking about this cancer stuff and start to share a story or show a scar someone will say "Um no" and that is sort of like someone bumping into you when you are holding a plate of caviar and tiny delicate little wafer crackers and intricate bacon wrapped shrimp and prosciutto melon and a delicate raspberry chocolat Grenache confection from a super fancy party and a glass of pink French champagne, and you are anticipating this treat, this special special, and some oaf bumps right into you and the plate tips toward you in slow motion and hits your glass and simultaneously in slo-mo the whole thing goes off balance and tilts tips gapes onto your white blouse just as you shout out "it's ok!"

You know when the ground is kind of moist after a bit of rain and you find a nice juicy weed? And you pull it and there is a tiny bit of resistance, but then you can feel the individual little root fronds releasing, one by one, and then POP the whole thing comes out deliciously into your hand - all a piece, good job you? That is what it feels like to put out a chunk of my hair. It's a little bit fun. If I had OCD more than usual (we all have it) I'd be in hog heaven right now.

After dinner: