Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Team

I love all the new music, the technology of it and the pure crystalline production quality. It turns me on and it connects me and it is my transcendence. Never been afraid of the new stuff, never got stuck in the 70s or 80s - I love the newest loudest most tripped out groove there is and I wake up each day hoping to hear a new tasty bit of swaggerific jambuzz. I am plugged in to it. I've always been all about electronica - I swooned over my dad's Switched on Bach moog recordings in the 60s as a little Amy. I think we are electric underneath and that the swoopy repetitive beats now reverberating throughout the universe (literally) call out to us in an evolutional way and we feel them physically - they feel good. Our brains work with electric jolts constantly and our hearts. Little tiny plugs in there and wet juicy chemicals that transmits the signals - we are constantly being electrocuted over and over till we die. Music plugs you in to this. The new dubby stuff is superb.

Living in ruins of the palace within my dreams
And you know we're on each other's team

Sang Ella Maria Lani Yelich-O'Connor (born 7 November 1996), known by her stage name Lorde

And I say
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah

I hear it. We are on each other's team.

Are we not all stars made into little clay people baked on the dark continent and then scattered out to the one continent after it broke apart? I wonder why we little tiny men are so discontented with our boxes and our lines on those funny little paper things we made called maps. Are we not all the same? What a dumbly divinely repeated question. It has been answered a million times by every religion and creed and even the Band Aid song: Yes. Yes we are. All one team.

You mean we actually are all
One, one, one, one?

Alanis Morissette this time.

So then why do we keep asking that question:

Are we not all the same?

I wonder if we are all in some future creep's stupid video game, destined to play out the same problems and wars and diseases and questions over and over till we cross the Buddhist GO and collect our $200 worth of karma. Maybe this today is the only time that really is, and we are all just groundhogdaying it along one timelessly pixelated byte at a time? It seems ludricrous to me that we (as in we humans - our "kind") are still asking questions, like "are we all one?" and lots of other questions, that have been discussed by masters and brilliant philsophers for millennia. We seem no closer to agreement or understanding now than at any time in recorded history.

To put it in corporate lingo - why can we not learn from "best practices" and continue to do things in a more intelligent way? Like, say: not KILL each other over dirt and oil, or perhaps: not RAPE women just for the fun of it, or how about, say: NOT BUTCHER people who don't look like us, or how about: NOT HATE people because of their ideas? We have been over this damn it.

Here are some of those "best practices" ideas from past thinkers or supposed thinkers:

“Until the philosophy which holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned, everywhere is war and until there are no longer first-class and second-class citizens of any nation, until the color of a man's skin is of no more significance than the color of his eyes. And until the basic human rights are equally guaranteed to all without regard to race, there is war. And until that day, the dream of lasting peace, world citizenship, rule of international morality, will remain but a fleeting illusion to be pursued, but never attained... now everywhere is war.” - Haile Selassie I of Ethiopia

"He who rules his spirit has won a greater victory than the taking of a city." - Jesus
 
"No leader should put troops into the field merely to gratify his own spleen; no leader should fight a battle simply out of pique. But a kingdom that has once been destroyed can never come again into being; nor can the dead ever be brought back to life. Hence the enlightened leader is heedful, and the good leader full of caution." - Sun Tzu quotes

"Just be ordinary and nothing special.  Eat your food, move your bowels, pass water, and when you're tired, go and lie down.  The ignorant will laugh at me, but the wise will understand." - Bruce Lee
 
"Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?" - Abraham Lincoln
 
"The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men."  - Plato
 
"No armies are needed, no weapons are needed, no nations are needed, no religions are needed. All that is needed is a little meditativeness, a little silence, a little love, a little more humanity... just a little more, and existence will become fragrant with something so totally unique and new that you will have to find a new category for it." - Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
 
"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference." - Elie Wiesel
 
"Love is all you need." The Beatles

What can I add to those ideas? They are pretty damn good if you ask me.

Here I am on day 12 of my chemotherapy cycle and I realize that I have felt mostly livable for more than three days, which is definitely different than the first time. And the second one. This is progress I think.

And thank god the clock is progressing along at its usually 60 seconds per minute right now too. Last week it got up to a thousand million hundred seconds per minute and that was taxing me out dude. Time is the 4th dimension and has to do with the weight of heavy objects as they bend space/time. So I am not making  this stuff up - time really does move along at different speeds under certain conditions. Some of those conditions have to do with the coalescing of great bits of mass in deep space, and some of them have to do with the coalescing of no mass or matter in the inner space of a mind that is vexed with pain. I don't know a lot but I know that when I feel my worst that time is not on my side, it's a killer that stabs me repeatedly and sucks me inside out. And now when I am feeling ok, it's fleeting again. 

I am wearing my good luck horseshoe necklace.
I am texting my friend who just had her port installed into her chest wall yesterday at noon, and telling her YES this excruciating pain that is much worse than having your breast sliced open and scooped out is normal.
I am planning on a huge Christmas meal and then wondering how to digest it and a gravy boatfull of anxiety and get to chemotherapy the next morning in a halfway decent mood and oh yeah while on steroids and wondering if I should get really drunk on champagne, I mean the expensive shit, no reason to be skimpy now - and will the drugs obliterate or worsen any potentional hangover.
I am planning to be sicker than a dead cat between xmas and new year's and we don't need a babysitter for that.
I am kicking my baby girl out of her room for the aunt/uncle stay and she is peeved but will get over it. Someone here is always mad at me and I just bat it away with my shield on.
I am wondering when a potato chip might taste good again. I am having dreams of food that I like, I mean REALLY like, like crushin' on and I am wondering WHEN WHEN WHEN will that be? I am hungry for being hungry.
I am sending out a few Christmas cards here and there in a meagerly weak fashion and we did not get it together this time despite have such a cute new house to show off and a new address to blast out to our peeps oh well.
I am staring the countdown again and I hate it.
I am digging this beat:









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3 comments:

  1. leilalDecember 17, 2013 at 6:19 PM

    LOVE Lorde. Have been grateful a long time for Morrisette. (Especially after her cameo on Weeds.)

    And am grateful for you.

    We are a system within a system within a system. The web. The real web.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownDecember 17, 2013 at 7:02 PM

    Glad to hear you are feeling liveable!!

    ReplyDelete

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