Can't wake up

Apparently cycle number four in chemotherapy for me, this time, is starting off at a sleepy pace. I can't seem to do much but lay around, and sleeping feels good. So far that's not too bad. It's a little hard to drink enough water and eat enough food when you're not really awake or hungry, but I did go into the clinic today and get a giant bag full of juicy saline solution injected straight into my heart. So hopefully I won't shrivel up and dry up  too much. And Nurse Annabelle is the perfect combo of bossy and sustaining.

Everyone else is going out to dinner without me, to Julio's, one of our favorite places in Austin. I told Annabelle to try one of their mango margaritas because they are divine. Somewhere else in the country one of my friends is having a celebration of her bat mitzvah, and I wish I were there to have some Prosecco and chocolate cake with her. Later this weekend Annabelle and Dave will go out to a honky-tonk to hear some real Texas music, maybe the Broken Spoke, or the Horseshoe Lounge, or a couple other places we heard about today. I won't be attending any of these things, but I will be imagining them from my bed or maybe the couch if I get adventurous. I don't mind missing any of these events, I have done so many fun things in my life that if I never did any of those again it would be okay. However I know that I will be doing a lot of hella wave things in the future, and yes that I'm lucky to have done and lived what I have done and lived. So far.

My view now: I have reached the summit of my evening goal - to drink a glass of juice and eat half an apple. My goal is dramatically featured in the foreground of my still life "Amy's Basket of Post Chemical Chemicals." 

Right now I can't think of much about the future, like whether I will go to the Lorde concert on March 30, which no less than four people have asked me about. Or whether I will substitute teach at the kids' school the spring, or take an art class, or when I will have my next surgery or when radiation will start, and if that will be five or six or seven weeks. I can't think of any of that right now. I'll just go back to reading my magazines and snoozing my days away.

Just saying hi.

But not everything is about me. Tell me about you. How was your Christmas? What's bothering you right now? What are your New Year's resolutions if you have any? I really would like to know. I'm tired of me.