Dripping Springs

No I'm not moving to Dripping Springs, this is the nickname my sister came up for the day that I go get chemotherapy. I love it! 

So my third round of Dripping Springs went fine today. Poisons dripped into me, and I had a very good meeting with my doctor, helped along greatly by a visit from my wonderful cousin Kim, who is a hospice doctor. She and my doctor kind of powwowed and helped me come up with some better coping strategies so perhaps I will not feel so sick this round. My fingers are crossed that they work. And I do feel cautiously optimistic.

I decided to continue on with the poisonous devil drug so I'm full of red stuff right now but so far so good.

Got some really soft and snuggly slippers from Piper, they are helping me feel better already.

I've heard inferred smelled dreamt that some people don't how to respond to my posts, and I don't mean technically, what I mean is they don't know what to say. So if this resonates with you let me just say, you don't have to say anything special! Just treat me like you always treat me, I'm still the same person. You will not offend me. I keep trying to say this, but having cancer is not really a special thing it's an ordinary every day commonplace thing and it doesn't make me a different person. You can just say hi or I thought of you today or here's a joke (Susan T is the master of this) or ask me a gory question. You see we of the gross scary world want you to ask about it. Maybe you didn't know that. Now you do. Nothing special. No need for special words - don't try - just speak.

There Is No Word

by Tony Hoagland

There isn’t a word for walking out of the grocery store

with a gallon jug of milk in a plastic sack

that should have been bagged in double layers

—so that before you are even out the door

you feel the weight of the jug dragging

the bag down, stretching the thin

plastic handles longer and longer

and you know it’s only a matter of time until

bottom suddenly splits.

There is no single, unimpeachable word

for that vague sensation of something

moving away from you

as it exceeds its elastic capacity        

—which is too bad, because that is the word

I would like to use to describe standing on the street

chatting with an old friend

as the awareness grows in me that he is

no longer a friend, but only an acquaintance,

a person with whom I never made the effort—

until this moment, when as we say goodbye

I think we share a feeling of relief,  

a recognition that we have reached

the end of a pretense,   

though to tell the truth

what I already am thinking about

is my gratitude for language—

how it will stretch just so much and no farther;

how there are some holes it will not cover up;

how it will move, if not inside, then

around the circumference of almost anything—

how, over the years, it has given me

back all the hours and days, all the

plodding love and faith, all the

misunderstandings and secrets

I have willingly poured into it.

Our evening chef will soon serve us her scalloped potatoes and mixed vegetables and garlic bread and chocolate chip cookies. Thank you Kris. My driver my Thundercloud fetcher my listener today. Merci.

Today was my very last class - picked up final projects. To sum up my 45 hours of trying to drill into their heads to BE CURIOUS and QUESTION EVERYTHING and BE EVEN MORE TERRIBLY CURIOUS I made each student ask a question. Then I asked each a question. This was very engaging. 

Here are some of the questions my students asked:

What is life? (I explained eukaryotes, drew the tree of life, mentioned that scientists think that one thing common to all life is carbon, etc...and that I certainly do not know)

Who is your favorite philosopher? (Scientists like Michio Kaku, Albert Einstein, etc - the Dalai Lama, etc)

What are you doing for Christmas? (Annabelle and Dave, hanging out)

What was your favorite job? (Teaching)

Do you think Bill O'Reilly was right when he said that rap music causes black people to be violent and engage in crime? (Long discussion all about how super complex issues have many sides and stakeholders and it's not simple - too much to type here, we talked a long time. Call me if you want to discuss)

How do you stay so upbeat when your going through this? (Why not etc? I said a lot of course - as you know)

When will our grades be posted? (No idea)

What book should I read? (I said email me I have 50 off the top of my head I'll pick a few for you)

Many other questions - I made each person ask one.

Here are some of the ones I asked - one custom question for each person, and answers:

Did you change your mind about anything this semester? (Wow I don't know!)

Your father is very well off as you've said and connected. Success is a combo of grit and luck, and connections are part of luck. How do you plan to use those connections to get into a great grad school and then job? (Not sure)

You said my choice of Herdez salsa the other day was just ok. So what is the best salsa? (Home made)

How was your first semester different than you thought? (More fun)

What did you learn in any class this semester that blew your mind? (That if a person of authority asked someone to push a button to electrocute someone in an electrocution chair, 9 out of 10 would do it)

Venus or Serena Williams? (Venus)

What was your weirdest EMS call on Black Friday - to a guy who is training to be an EMT. (Old man pinned to garage door and killed by a car where the parking brake failed and it rolled down a hill )

Forgot the rest.

My chemo nurses are adorable.

My friends are adorable. 

You are.

The dark tide is rolling in. Pill time. I'm ok for the moment.