Hiccuped and burned esophagus
All night
Ceiling projected clock said 10:42, then 1:11, then 2:30, then 5:51, then lightened.
Not so bad as long as I don't move one muscle
In my now bright room
I'll look up some better poetry while my dear heart mixes me a batch of black cherry Koolaid don't judge me it's all I can stand.
Here's one from The Poetry Foundation:
"Follow" by Leah Umamsky
Follow where all is. / Follow the transfused. / Follow what is still and what is still-attracting.
That light / That beauty / That love / That, that is massy-borne and rising up, like a drifting star.
Like stars lift. / Like lifting stars. / Like the lifting of stars, I rose. I rise.
Rose. Rose. Like a thing beyond words: satiated.
Let lie in the ravage. / Let lie in what is ravaged-wrought.
Why fear what hasn’t become?
I beckon, like light. / Like a star, I will beckon. / You will oblige. / You will lend the want. You will eclipse my blinding.
-You will know nothing ---. Nothing. You will know nothing of what has been dark.
••••••••••••• I like this poem a lot. Why can't I write a good poem or a blog or story or book? What is the trick?
I just got back from the clinic where my dear friend Rebecca took me so I could get my Neulasta shot, the shot that supposed to prevent my bone marrow from going so low that I get sick and end up in the hosputal. I also got a giant IV bag of saline solution to help me stay hydrated. I am so weak and tired right now I cannot get out of bed. I may be here for 24 hours a day for a few days. They say this is the cumulative effect of chemo and such it is. My body betrays. The nurse said hiccuping uncotrollably is a form of nausea. Delight.
What people say about my blog:
It's raw and real
They love it - thank you
It's just a journal and doesn't matter
It's good writing and should be published
It helped them get through a crisis - I'm honored
It's informative - keep writing
It's scary
All true and today might I add - the spacing is off.
I'm off. My eyes close while I'm talking, I'm brand new kittenish eyes glued shut, don't want to talk, my cracker remains unchewed and dissolving in my mouth as my teeth go to sleep.
Bill got hiccups too, they were relentless for a while so the doc prescribed Baclofin, it's a drug used to treat spasticity. It helped so if your hiccups don't want to go away talk to your doc about it.
ReplyDeletep.s. you can write a good poem, and blog...keep writing, you have a great voice and many admirers.
Agree with Nancy. The redness of your face betrays the harshness of chemicals. Even so, you and your loved one are beautiful!
ReplyDeleteYour good, your fine poem is right there. I found that the trick to writing something good is in believing I could.
ReplyDeleteYou know the trick for good writing. Write from the heart. Steve Heighton’s advice, “Write what you don’t know…but will discover in the telling.” I think you do both and your blogs are delightful and informational which is tough to do - especially when you feel terrible. Keep writing, my dear! It's good for everybody. Love, Debbie
DeleteThe cumulative effects are demoralizing -- just when you think you've got this devilment figured out, you descend to a different circle of suffering. But you are very near the end of these cycles, and then it's recovery. Up, up, up. Your writing is very powerful. When you've finished the last cycle and you read this blog again, you'll see the power and the value of what you're doing. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI'm visualizing you on a pristine beach with the waves lapping at your toes as you lounge in your beach chair. The sun is gently warming your skin. You're wearing a floppy beach hat, reading a juicy book and sipping an icy cold drink that the cute cabana boy (is that Mike?) Just brought you. Wishing you relief and comfort. Love you
ReplyDeleteLove it
DeleteYou should definitely consider consolidating your blog into a book. Your experience might scare some, particularly those about to embark on a similar journey. They deserve to know. Or maybe they shouldn't...as I doubt all would proceed with the treatments. You've come a long way from where you started, and I'm glad the next treatment will be your last chemo.
ReplyDeleteHow can you stay so cute and feel so badly? I love the one who saw you on a beach with the salt water lapping at your feet. There is the way to go. Yes of course you are so bored and tired of it all. The sun is peeking out from those dark clouds and will shine on you today -- soft and sweet and not hot at all-- just kissing your pretty cheeks while it warms you and lets you relax in the cool soft sand. Be well Missy! Invite your kids to the beach to bring you shells?
ReplyDeleteThere you go Amy. Plan it! Make reservations for April at your favorite place in Corpus -- or Padre Island. A weekend -- or Spring break for the daughters. And for you and Mike. If they're all booked up you could maybe plan a honeymoon for you and Mike while the kids are at school sleeping over with friends or relatives? Or seek out new places to stay on the island away from everything but Nature. Peace- we wish you peace Ms.A> Jeanine Adams -- real peace that passes all understanding.
ReplyDeletecute pic with you and your husband hehehe. Mnahhh, :(. I don't like the fact that you're feeling ick. I hope everything will be better!!! Stay strong! :)
ReplyDeleteI am
Delete