“At any street corner the feeling of absurdity can strike any man in the face.” | |
-- Albert Camus |
Right after I posted my blog I got a call saying that my entire plan was to be rearranged in a whole new way, with surgery not for weeks and weeks and, instead, hopscotching in front of surgery, I was to start taking Tamoxifen - an anti-hormone pill that I've been dreading.
"Yikes!!!!!!" I said!
Me scared of that pill.
I'd been hoping to put Tamoxifen off for months and months and months, and was secretly even hoping maybe that everyone would forget about it and it would fall off a cliff. But ok...
Then today I got two very interesting phone calls:
1. The surgeon's nurse called to say oh my! Guess what!? We had a cancellation! Can you be here at the hospital tomorrow at 5:30 AM for a 7:30 AM surgery? I said sure… So I'm having a re-excision surgery tomorrow morning. Isn't re-excision a cool word?
Dr. Nelson gets to cut open the same scar for the third time. Re-incise the same incision. Perhaps I should have a zipper installed. She will be scraping out a very thin lemon peel slice of remaining invasive ductal carcinoma that's right up against my ribs in the very back of my chest area. I hope she doesn't go crazy or slip and accidentally scoop out a rib and then stab my heart and kill me. I don't think she will. I trust her.
2. HEB pharmacy called, leaving an automated voicemail that my prescription was ready to be picked up. My Tamoxifen. A drug that I have to take for 5 or 10 years and that has a huge long list of side effects, and has to be delicately balanced depending on where you are with hormones.
Hey, okay, I get it… The long-term survival rates are much better with Tamoxifen.
But still, I think I should be able to discuss this with somebody before I start popping this little pill of a pill. How personal and lovely and charming and warm this voice mail from my grocery store makes me feel. I think I still have free will. I am not taking one molecule of that drug until I have a face-to-face meeting with my oncologist to discuss the side effects, not to mention the fact that I'm taking another prescription that is supposedly very not ok to take at the same time that you take this. I'm not going to blithely drive over to HEB and pick up a prescription and start popping it with nary a word. Well, I might, if it were more of a fun drug...
That's my latest final plan. I think. It's dada.
I'm ok with all this!
I'm this with all ok!
Ok this is with all me!
"If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it."
What a nutty whirlwind. We will be thinking about you and sending good, vibes to Dr. Nelson tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteThe zipper isn't a bad idea, my mom has had over a dozen back surgeries...I should have thought of that sooner!
Hugs and love lady, we have your back on good days and bad and are looking forward to the day when the scales tip and the bad days are few and far between!
Yikes! Hopefully tomorrow will be the last you'll ever see of a scalpel (well, hopefully you won't see it at all!).
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're not blindly following doctor's orders.
Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteDear Amy--This entry proves your genius in titling your blog as you have. Glad the surgery is now behind you. Now on to the next steps and information-gathering, which I know you will carry out with your usual aplomb.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are getting the surgery over with!!! That is most excellent. You can scratch two thing off of the list now:
ReplyDelete1. Chemo 2. Being chopped on.
Now, hang in there for 3. Radiation and 4. Tamoxifen. You are doing great, great, great!
Thank you!
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