10 surprisingly ok things about having breast cancer surgery for the third time

1. You recognize the nurses, medical tech, and anesthesiologists who come in to stick an IV in your really skinny and bony hand, ask you to pee in a cup, tell you to undress and put on a green backless gown and then ask if they can do anything for you, but really they don't mean it.

2. You don't go in with a migraine from the stress like you did the first time your left boob was to be sliced open to remove life-sucking cancer because now you're pretty used to the idea and pretty calm - although still inside your subconscious is cranky but you can tamp her down.

3. You go ahead and say "No I don't like Tramadol, please get her to write me a prescription for Vicodain," because you're kind of an expert on all this stuff now, like a boss.

4. You don't even read or notice the take home instructions. Or the pain med stuff. It doesn't even hurt after a day - why? Then why'd I ask for the good stuff? Why not.

5. You call your surgeon's nurse Nancy like when you call you say "May I speak to Nancy?" Which is nice cuz you've always liked people named Nancy.

6. No one really notices you've had surgery which is fine, cuz you're kind of tired of being the sickly sliced-upon one and wish to be more like a regular buffalo in the herd.

7. Your husband forgets to ask the doctor any details about the surgery and you're not that mad like you used to be because you figure what the hell - you'll hear about it soon or maybe what the hell does it matter anyway?

8. You now understand the difference between general anesthesia with gas versus IV anesthesia (which I got) and now understand what they meant last time when they said you "kept trying to wake up" and you're glad you don't remember that.

9. You're now very sure that having surgery - even having the inside of your breast scooped out for the third time through the same opening and having a nine inch tube and hotel that was sewn into your chest muscle unsewn and ripped out - is so far and away preferable to chemotherapy that you're genuinely not the slightest bit afraid of surgery and in fact find it rather relaxing an occupation (perhaps you're an idiot).

10. Bandages, blood, stitches, waterproof super sticky plastic stuff, steri-tabs, boob flattening ace bandages, and sleeping on your back only seem normal.